these flowers

i can't stop listening to martha

i wanna be like that
i wanna be like that

last night met up with jess and mike (lovely as ever, as mentioned below) at zesty's for the unsweetened (and unspoken) open mic. ms spelt featured and we folded paper and napkins into lilies and roses. michael regaled the most excellent time t.o.f.u. had and made in dawson - it is not surprising at all that those boys were the best thing there. too tired for it, i went to the brickhouse anyway afterwards (afterwards anyway?) and then drove them all home. it was a week ago i dropped off michael matthew at the same place, in front of the park on prior, pulled over in my little 'orange blast' rental car. and in this week i have both day dreamed and wondered about timing, choices, and the lessons people teach us. monday i cried about all of those things at denise's little round table - she kept getting up to get a kleenex, and eventually just brought the box over. how do we heal? by digging up roots she tells me. i'd like to just chop down the tree and leave the roots buried underground. i don't think we always have to know where things come from. and i don't think there is one great love, i think there are many - it's just that we choose one, and keep choosing the same one, ideally. but with choice, there is sometimes loss. and so i wonder.

i helped diederik buy his one-way ticket to holland yesterday. he leaves in 4 weeks. it's so real now. i can't think about it much yet. dear august 24th - please take your time. i'm in no hurry to greet you.